Moving pictures, flowering wirds. Trying to type in the morning

Hello! and Hello.

It's been a time, what June has done for my level of "don't care-ness" and "f-it" inclinations has been amplified by the stifling heat in my office.

My brain seems to be operating at a stealth mode of sorts, flying just under the radar of my ability to locate & lock in on my ambition.

What's with this?! I know that we've had 3 eclipses now in the past month & a half, and that's got a lot to do with it. The fact that the political scene - argh - I can't even bear to write about how people "in charge" are making their decisions, or hem-hawing and bullsh*tting their time away... So.

That's why it's hard to feel guilty about the number of hours clocked verses beaches walked in the past month. It's only 3, but that's three more than I had from January - May... burned out? or just a changing of the guard?

My organizational brain has been exhausted while my creative brain has been flowing like the waters of mouse river... I went to have a break a couple of weeks ago - my eyes have been bothering me a lot more staring at this screen, so it's especially hard to concentrate, so I go downstairs & play piano when noone's looking. One of these days, it was like magic. Just everything that was pouring out was so pretty - I was falling for the sounds of it all. I went back to my desk, brought down my phone and started recording. There were like 3 or 4 piano ideas that came out, and one of them the words came right away.

Last night a band was tracking, so I couldn't be loud, so I set up my elec. piano, put in my earphones & practiced one of them. My heart has been so heavy lately - not heavy like sad, even though I've been dipping in the depression jar a lot lately, but heavy like knowing theirs a midterm or a bill due or an unfavorite aunt visiting, or the end of vacation. That's it - it's like the feeling of Sunday - mid morning, when I start to stress about the weekend being almost over. And I still have most of a day left, but I pre-feel Monday & start to bum out. I remember being a kid and August was the hottest month. (for Dakotan's anyhow). It was when you just wanted to jump in the creek & freeze your feet off because it was too hot to think. And still, you knew that school was just around the corner. Clothes would be mandatory, as would shoes. And getting up early. All the things that suck.

So this similar heavy feeling has been in my heart lately, and so last night I had to work it out. Oh, it's melancholy alright. And so pretty, like a forgotten song from the Forrest Gump soundtrack. It's settling well and helping me realize what's going on with myself.

It's ok, it is a changing of the guard. This world is spinning - people are making dummer and dummer decisions - people are f-ing off their rockers and being loud and proud about it and that's OK. It's just making the truth even more painfully clear. So, yes. It's OK to mourn your favorite parts and know that it might get tough. god what an understatement. I'm just glad that my basics are getting stronger. My man, my cats, my home - all of these things are in place and gracefully giving all of us the love & support to go day to day. Our most strong-willed cat has been the kindest, letting me hold her and pet her relentlessly. The breeze through the trees has such a soothing effect on my mind, I'm able to distance myself from this screen in a healthy way - putting on my clothes again in the morning and give it another whirl.

Anyhow -- with one attempt to clean my desk recently I got distracted playing with my little ceramic letters & vintage postcards -- so last night I also made this little slideshow of the resulting images...

i strut, don't u?
oui, oui, oui

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