If you would have asked me who my acting idol was, or which famous person I would be most starstruck to meet, I probably would have thought about it for a while, asking if it were a living or a dead person, Living? Ok. Well, (that eliminates Kurt Cobain and Jimi Hendrix and Laura Ingalls Wilder) in that case, it might be Tori Amos, maybe Gwyneth Paltrow, or Claire Daines. These are all people that seem like obvious star-struck material in my book.
So when my friend and I were browsing around our favorite Santa Barbara stores, I was almost completely speechless, red-faced, super excited and embarrassed at how utterly starstruck I was to see the one, the only *Superstar!* (say it in a slightly hushed tone, arms up in an 'i'm super number one' pose with eyes gazing towards heaven).
That's right, Molly Shannon.
My god. I didn't see it coming. She was trying on shirts, my friend noticed her first and casually says, "Oh there's Molly Shannon." I'm like, "She looks like her?" "No, that IS her."
The woman who's Superstar! character completely embodied my high-school awkwardness and desire to become just that - a super star. An art/choir nerd who was cute enough to have friends, but too pent up to put out. So frustratingly enough, that led to a lot of time not dating boys, but practicing guitar, drawing self-portraits, writing poems and learning how to write songs. In fact, my first song was dedicated to this boy that I didn't have the courage to tell how much I liked him, but for some reason, I had it in my mind that if I played it at our local open mic, he might not move away and we could live happily ever after.
Right. A stupor-star, was more like it.
Mary Katherine Gallagher was like a hilarious beacon of hope. Even her dreamy version of Jesus shone the light of laughter on my uber-religious past...
So, today, of all days? Meeting an unexpected super hero? What does this mean?! I mean, I was trying to work up the courage to talk to her, let her know how amazing she is, blah blah blah, all that stuff that people warn us about (cue Eminem's song about being pissed that people say hi to him in public) and then I was like F-it! She's AMAZING! She's SO funny! I've never seen her in a role that didn't crack me up, and she should know that! I mean, how rad is your career when everyone comes up to you and says that they love your work? I know plenty of artists that could use that kind of encouragement. So I did it, we talked to her. She shook my hand and genuinely didn't seem pissed that I was a star-struck fool. And as we were leaving, I really started to wonder, What does this mean?
Maybe this is some sort of universal graduation gift? Maybe I have practiced hard enough at embracing myself for who I am, not who I want to be, that I got to meet her? If even to remind myself of how far I have come since high school?
Maybe this happened to give me further encouragement to keep reaching for my superstar dreams, and not let the practicalities of life get in the way. I mean, we had just been at the Matthew Weiner (creator of Mad Men) UCSB Arts & Lectures interview where his most profound statements were the ones emphasizing the need for a grandiose beliefe in your dreams. As artists, we NEED to have seemingly unreal visions for our lives, and we need to BELIEVE in them! Especially when others "don't get it" or ask "why would you do that".
When you're a talented person these days, there are so many avenues for success -- YouTube, Facebook, MySpace - anyone can become famous on the internet it seems. But what if your dreams exceed that? What if your dream is to change the world? What if your dream is to encourage women to have healthy self-esteems, to proudly own their power of being feminine? What if your dream is to educate young minds to be creative and encourage them to change the world?
It's so idealistic to want these things, to think that the world needs changing in the first place. But, thanks to Matthew Weiner's reiteration on what I do belive, we need to have grandiose dreams. We need to be the ones to say, "Actually, I think this is a great idea. And I'm going to show you why."
I can be a super star, and I already am. I live in the woods, have an amazing art studio, get to work with brilliant minds in a huge variety of disciplines, and above all-I get to share all of these experiences with the man I love. Seriously, that's as good as it gets.
And, I still have dreams of it being better. Of life being bigger. I think that's the core of what I'm realizing, that to actually be a super star, in whatever you want to do, you have to be brave enough to share your dream. To let people into your dream to help it become a reality.
Mary Katherine Gallagher wouldn't have ever kissed Sky Corrigan if she wouldn't have shared her dream. (the power of prayer - the univers' help - whatever you want to call it.)
Mad Men wouldn't have been produced if Matthew Weiner didn't have a crew of amazing people to help it come to life. The characters wouldn't be half as interesting if the actors/actresses didn't put their own experiences in the work.
I am at an interesting place with this blog, because it is a public window of accountability for myself. I acknowledge that my dreams are bigger than I am. I want them to be. I also want them to come true. And that means I need to let other people in. My husband is in, my friends are in, my family are in, but you-the public- the "Strangers" that I am often intimidated by or afraid of, I am letting you into my dreams. Into my studio. Because I believe there is power in sharing.
Whether or not you want to jump on my dream train, that's not my goal. I do hope that by sharing my life, my work, my dreams, you will want to do the same. Enlarge your circle. Even some of you that may be afraid to dream, I encourage you to start a dream journal.
Start a list of "What if I..."
And then share that list with someone that you love and trust.
You CAN be what you want to be, even if it is a *Superstar!*
Labels: idol, inspiration, Molly Shannon, purpose